Fake It Til You Make It

I originally posted this behind a password – because it’s a bit of a pity party, and it’s not exactly cheery. But sometimes life is like that. And as Heidi Swapp says, “Nobody has a perfect life, no matter what their blog says”.

Hello December. Holiday season is already in full force, as are the many festivities and parties, and dinners, and plans to get together. Most years by now I’m getting excited to get away, get to the sun and the beach and relax and all of this other stuff is just a nice build up to what I’m truly looking forward to. But nothing at all is normal or easy about this year, and it seems this holiday season is following suit. In being fully honest, I’m not handling it well at all – even though I’ve known it would happen like this for months.

I love to get away to the sun for that Christmas/New Years week for so many reasons. For starters, it’s my own tradition, and there are so many little details of things that happen that I look forward to year after year. I’ve long battled Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and that early winter dose of sun often helps to take the edge off.  I’m also a married shift-worker with divorced parents and a large family. It goes without saying that juggling all family obligations is not easy, and no matter how they get juggled it’s always wrong in someone’s eyes. Every year I manage to successfully tick someone off. It’s a special gift. Going away helps to mitigate that some. This year I’ll be home so it’s just a matter of who will be miffed, not if. Awesome.

So, the tough year and now faced with being home has me a right Ebeneezer. I contemplated not decorating. I’d be perfectly content to have a completely gift free Christmas (both giving and receiving). Spending a quiet Christmas Day and night at home is about all I currently feel up to, and I don’t have the extravagant New Year’s gala in me either. We may take a small and brief road trip in our time off, and I’m reasonably confident he won’t get called back to work during Christmas week. And therein lies another important consideration…

…My Ebeneezer-dom doesn’t just affect me, but him too. I came home from work Saturday night to a new tree assembled, and a new set of decorations for the tree. It seems he was on my pinterest and saw a Tiffany blue themed tree that I pinned, and he wanted to bring that home for me, to make me smile. So today, by the warmth of the fire, and a new Christmas album on iTunes, I will decorate the tree and hope that maybe it will help infuse a little spirit in me…and make him smile too. This year, I’m hoping “Fake it til you make it” applies to holiday spirit too. I’ll never know unless I try.

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