For many years, whenever my thoughts would get jumbled or there was ever anything I needed to sort (plans, finances, etc.) I could always do it if I just sat down and wrote it all out. I’m now doing an online course that is scrapbook focused and intended to help to develop the stories that go with all the pictures and memories glued to those pretty papers. I have a number of writing assignments to do, and I will be blogging a lot of them here – until I get the notebook I want to use and then record them on paper. There is still something uber-special to me about writing with a great pen in a great notebook. Of course, I want to decorate and pretty up the notebook too before I start writing in it, so that will probably take a bit.
The other part of this for me today, and this is totally unrelated to the course, is something I’ve been mulling over for a while, and has been a great source of irritation to me for a while. This last year I’ve learned there is tremendous value in having good true friends. I’ve come to this lesson through a very very difficult loss, and through some happy discoveries too. Unfortunately, it has also exposed to me those that I believed in to be a “friend” but are truly much less. It disappoints me a lot, but it again also helps me to value the good ones even more. Admittedly, I have focused more on the sources of irritation than on the rare hidden gem treasures.
I need to learn to move on – which is far easier said than done. I know my “friends” aren’t being malicious or deliberate by creating unnecessary distance, just ignorant. And ever the pacifist, I choose not to bring it up. I guess there is more to it – I don’t want a friendship borne of a sense of obligation, I would rather they gave of themselves, rather than expecting me to be the only one to give. Also, lately I’ve just been too angry to be able to address any of it in a calm and rational manner – what can I say, I’m hurt. At the core, it is a 2 way street and I can’t give freely, knowing they would never give of themselves as freely as I have been and would continue to do if there was even a teeny ounce of reciprocation. Today this is it, I am making a choice to focus on the gems and dwell on that goodness rather than direct unnecessary energy towards someone who hasn’t directed anywhere near that much energy towards me in a positive manner. No more fighting it, just allowing it to be and going with the ebb and flow of life. It won’t be easy, but I will do it.
I will end with sharing a blurb that my trainer sent me this week that was a part of putting these thought wheels in motion.
Friendship is one of those intangibles that cannot be measured and
often goes unnoticed. Yet it is one that requires as much nurturing as
our own bodies. It is so easy to lose track of friends in our busy
world, and the loss of a friend is like a loss of part of ourselves.
If you don’t make time for your friends, how do you expect them to
make time for you. How can a friendship remain alive if the very
things that created the friendship – the bonding, the interaction,
the connectivity – are no longer there.